Life is Hard

I had a different kind of post planned today.  

A fluffy one about Christmas 

and baking 

and all that is light 

and cheery about this time of year...  

And then that other side of life hit today 

and just kept coming...

My thoughts and prayers are with the families in Connecticut.

I simply can't imagine.  

My heart breaks for those whose children were taken.  

I am eager to hug and hold my babies 

and perhaps not so eager to find out if my 9-year-old has already heard.  

No doubt we will all sleep together tonight.  

Since our house was broken into over a year ago, 

our talks about personal safety and what to do in various crisis scenarios 

has increased by a lot and the questions she asks have grown more serious.  

I limit the news intake severely when I am home 

so as to protect her from the unnecessary amount of dramatic 

and disturbing coverage these stories always generate.  

I find it horrifying how the media has been interviewing these children 

and hope it is not due to consent by their parents 

and that some of these reporters get sued for further traumatizing these babies.

I have also been reminded today how diligently I have worked to protect my children. 

Not only from the dangers of the world at large,

but also from the dangers that often are swept under the rug.  

As with many families, I have a side of the family that is very very dysfunctional.  

The sort of deep dysfunction that is carried from generation to generation 

and too often swept under the rug.  

When I became of an age that I was able to find my voice 

about right and wrong and take a stand, 

I did.  

I took very deliberate steps over the years 

to distance that dysfunction from my own life.  

I had things I wanted to do and be and no place for that life of crazy.  

Unfortunately, the pull of family blood is often strong.  

Guilt creeps in and, 

wanting to believe in the good in people, 

sometimes you give people more chances then they deserve.  

But when it comes to my children, 

there are no second chances.  

There is no room for tolerance and self-doubt.  

I have to do what is right for them 

because they are my greatest love 

and my greatest accomplishment.  

And so hard decisions are made 

and ultimatums are given 

and doors are closed.

And while today is hard, 

our tomorrow will be filled with Christmas trees 

and cookies 

and secret Christmas projects 

and searching for a special new ornament for each child to remember this year 

and many prayers of thanks to the Lord 

for each and every of these moments together.